He doesn't understand it all, but he gets enough, as Bucky holds on to him. He's not gonna do it, he's not going to say put me back, I don't want this, and Steve is sick to his stomach over what that means and so, so relieved at the same time.
He can't do this without him, doesn't know what to do without him, he's lost everything else and he can't lose Bucky too, except he did and now they're here and it's so wrong in every way but it's still Bucky and that's all, that's everything he needed, and it's still so wrong.
He's holding on as tight as he can now, so tight his hands hurt, and he doesn't ever want to let go.
"I'm sorry," he says again, desperate and unsure and he knows he should pull it together, that Bucky needs to deal with this more than he does, but he's been falling apart since the day his best friend died. He still tries, though, squaring his shoulder and fighting off the tears. "I can talk to them. The... the group. See if they can help you figure this out."
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He can't do this without him, doesn't know what to do without him, he's lost everything else and he can't lose Bucky too, except he did and now they're here and it's so wrong in every way but it's still Bucky and that's all, that's everything he needed, and it's still so wrong.
He's holding on as tight as he can now, so tight his hands hurt, and he doesn't ever want to let go.
"I'm sorry," he says again, desperate and unsure and he knows he should pull it together, that Bucky needs to deal with this more than he does, but he's been falling apart since the day his best friend died. He still tries, though, squaring his shoulder and fighting off the tears. "I can talk to them. The... the group. See if they can help you figure this out."